Matty Moments: Crazy Boy

Matty Moments

Normally I feature some of the amazing things Matthew is saying lately.  While we have gotten some great words of wisdom from him lately (Come on, Daddy! Pee pee garage!), I thought I would clear up the misconception that Matty is always a calm, collected, sensitive flower that never makes a peep, is always engaged in activities, and causes no mischief whatsoever.

Exhibit A:

He’s better at make-up than I am.

Exhibit B:

One wonderful morning as I’m stepping out of the shower, Matty comes running into the bathroom yelling “clean”.  He grabs a roll of TP and runs back out of the room. At first I just nod and smile, until it sets in that he is TRYING TO CLEAN SOMETHING UP.  So I run after him.

Let me explain.  He tried to put soap in the dishwasher.  When he spilled that, he got dish soap to try to clean that mess.  When he realized that was a bigger mess, he realized he needed paper towels. Since he can’t reach paper towels, he got TP.  Of course, paper towels get used with spray cleaner, so he sprayed the soap puddle first.  As I intervened, he realized, “Duh, this is a floor mess. We need a mop” (which has yet another type of spray cleaner attached).  All I could do was laugh.  I mean, it was good thinking, and I’m thankful he  tried to help.  But how exactly does one go about cleaning 4 different types of soap off the floor?  Only after scrubbing and mopping and scooping and wiping for 20 minutes did I realize I was still butt naked.  I apologize to all of my neighbors. And yes, he had pants on when I got in the shower.

Exhibit C:

This was taken at 12:30 at night.  Need I say more?

Exhibit D:

I’m not sure who is the bad influence here.

Exhibit E:

Matty’s volume and activity level 90% of the day.

** NOTE: Ignore that horrible mess. We’re in the process of turning that room into a playroom–sneak peek alert!– and everything is getting piled up.  Such is life.

He Said Flag, I Promise

Matty Moments

It’s time for another exciting episode of Matty Moments. I need to remember to write all of this down, because I don’t remember the half of it.  But he said something so outrageous today, it reminded me I needed to chronicle more.

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Out taking a walk around the neighborhood while many, many neighbors are out:

Matty: Shoot da fag! (in the loudest possible toddler voice ever heard)

Me: YES! YES! THE FLAG. YOU LIKE TO SALUTE THE FLAG, DON’T YOU?

::runs away avoiding all eye contact::

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I walk into the sunroom to find birdseed all over the floor:

Me: Who made this big mess?

Matty: Amy. (he didn’t even pause–he must have planned his story out ahead of time)

Me: Aunt Amy drove all the way to our house and made a big mess?

Matty: Uhhhh-huuuh. And pizza!

Me: Oh, and she brought pizza?

Matty: Uh huh. Mmmmm. ::rubs belly::

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Working in the yard when a neighbor stops by to chat:

Matty: (looks up after being shy for a few minutes) Poop poop mah hand!

Neighbor: Your hand?

Matty: Poop. Poop. (enunciating it very clearly so she understands)

Neighbor: (looks at me me quizzically)

Me: ::nervous laugh:: Thanks for stopping by!

::runs in house::

If you didn’t guess, there was quite the unfortunate potty learning accident this week. 🙂

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Getting ready for bed, and sitting down to nurse:

Matty: Bites of milk?

Me: NOOOOOOO! …You can have a drink of milk…

Matty: ICE! Two ice? Mmmm. Cold milk. Ice? Yeah. Ok. Ice. (runs for kitchen)

Me: NOOOOOOOO!

 

Free Smiles

This may be my most favorite picture in the history of pictures.  If it didn’t make you seriously LOL, then take some Prozac.  But there’s more. Stick with me for a minute, and I’ll make sure you smile.

We’re having a week from Hell around here.

  • Eric worked last weekend. Like 5am-9pm.  This has been repeated pretty much every day this week.
  • Matty was super-cranky on Sunday and Monday…
  • Because it turns out he was coming down with something.
  • He had a really high fever Monday night and Tuesday(over 103!), and was very, very clingy and crying uncontrollably for prolonged periods of time..
  • On Tuesday afternoon, you know, riiiight when Matty started getting some energy, my back went kaplooey.  Like chiropractor-is-needed, can’t move, feel like I’m dying again kaplooey.
  • Our dryer broke.
  • All of Matty’s diapers are dirty (and unwashed…).
  • All of our clothes are dirty.
  • There are wet clothes in the washer.
  • We haven’t been to the store in 2 weeks.
  • We’re out of so many things, like, I don’t know, TRASHBAGS! And disposable diapers…Potty training is about to get realz up in herrr.
  • We accidentally locked the kitten in the car overnight, and it used my car as a litter box. Yes, we’re horrible pet parents, but seriously? How does that happen?
  • Our house is a disaster. If someone came to the door right now, I’d be all “sorry, you can’t come in. It’s for your own personal safety.”

Ironically, up until this weekend, I was going to post about what a GREAT month it’s been. We’ve gotten so much done. The weather is really getting nice. Yay! Then bam! Crapt, crapt, crapt. But, in the interest of choosing happiness and being positive and yada, yada, yada, I leave you with my adorable ghetto child:

And yes, he is this active All. Day. Long.

Say What?

Matty Moments

I love this age.  Well, I don’t love the tantrums, the reemergence of separation anxiety, and the lack of sleep, but oh man is this kid funny!  So in an effort to remember it all, I introduce “Matty Moments.”

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Trying to talk Matty into getting into the stroller for a walk:

Me: Come on, buddy, let’s go for a walk!
Matty: No!
Me: Yeah, come on. Mommy needs to take a walk. I’ve  got a fat butt.
Matty: (giggles and slaps my butt) Fat butt. Fat butt. Fat butt.

I wish life had a rewind button.

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At Hobby Lobby, when Matty spots the craft pom poms:

Matty: Ahhhhhhh (imagine a war cry) picks up a pack of 500
Matty: For keet, for keet!
Me: Oh, does Kitty need new balls? (I only hope no one overheard this conversation…)
Matty: Yeah! (puts it in cart) proceeds to put 3 more packs in the cart before I can stop him
Me: No, we don’t need that many balls.
Matty: (Slowly puts another pack in the cart while eyeing me.) In a completely dead-pan serious voice: For keet.

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Eric walks in the door from work…door isn’t even closed yet.

Matty: Pop Pop! Pop Pop! Calk to Pop Pop! (Grandpa! Grandpa! Talk to Grandpa!)
Short pause…
Matty: Choc choc. (Chocolate) Choc choc. Daddy Pop Pop. Calk. Choc.
Eric: (Closes door) It’s good to see you too, Buddy.

Matty cries for Eric all day.  So really, he’s crying for Grandpa and chocolate.  Not sure of the connection there yet…hmmm…:)

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It’s never a good sign when your toddler comes in the room with that look.  If you’re a parent, you know what I’m talking about.  If you’re not a parent, fear not, you’ll learn it  quickly.  All I got was that look and a “belp” (help).

Apparently someone wanted a snack.

I acted falsely outraged at the mess.  He was genuinely upset about the mess.  I asked, “what are we going to do about this big mess?”

He:

1. Closed the door to hide the mess, clapping for himself.

2. When he realized the mess was still showing, he looked so sad. Ha. He stopped clapping, thought for a moment, then bent down and began stuffing the cereal back under the door, chanting, “good job”.

3. When that didn’t work, he proudly announced his next plan, “Mommy mop.”

Yep, that about sums it up.

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Speaking of mopping…

Matty walks over to the cat food tray and water dish.  Picks it up, and throws it across the room.

Me: What the $%#& are you doing?!
Matty: MOP!!!

To his credit, he did clean most of it up.  There may have a been a strong-worded discussion, and thankfully, no repeated performance.

NOTE: I know it appears that my child never wears pants, and…well, that’s pretty much true.  Pants are worthless.